Wednesday, November 30, 2011


“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Mark Twain

“How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened.” Thomas Jefferson

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.
- Leo Buscaglia

I really have been a huge worrier for most of my life.  I believe that it has something to do with the extremely chaotic childhood that I lived through.

Bruce asks a great question,  what about worrying now that we don't have god?
Here is what I said:

Once I figured out that magical thinking is off the table [whether New Age or Christian], I really seemed to have gotten a handle on worrying more or less. What do we think we will change? Did praying unceasingly get us anywhere? So, does mulling over all the horrible options that life can hand us, over and over, does that in anyway prevent them?
One can mull through all the bad scenarios in the world, allow one’s imagination to run amok, and yet, it will not make what is to come any easier to bear nor will it change things one bit.
The vast majority of what we worry about never comes to pass. While it is wise to wear seat belts and have a smoke alarm in the house, our control over fate is, I think, highly over-rated.
In fact, the whole prayer thing just exacerbates the worries of its believing worried Christian minions. One clearly can be tortured by God emotionally or physically for any reason or no reason at all [think Job]. But for some reason, we prayed. If God knows everything, then it was a monumental waste of our time.
I no longer believe in god or gods at all. I see that we live in a natural world that behaves in a natural way. Either myself or my beloved husband will die someday. Rather than worry about that, I have decided to deal with it when it comes knocking. I try to not push my luck but even so there will always be bad times. Why let the knowledge that there are always going to be bad days ruin my good days?
I tell myself “Stop, you have better things to do with your time” and then I do them. I allow peace to be a larger part of my life than I ever used to. There is no one to bring me peace but my own self, my own thoughts and habits. I have many good things in my life to be thankful for and I try to enjoy them while they are here for the only certain thing in life is change.

I could add more to my answer but I wonder, do you worry less, more or about the same now that you are not a Christian?

Monday, November 28, 2011

TG Baker: Gone but not forgotten

TG Baker died.  I so enjoyed his internet articles and comments.  I learned so much in such a short period of time and I realized that I have so much left to learn and so much left to do.

John Loftus, over at Debunking Christianity, has posted TG's articles on his website.  Here's the link:

TG had a blog for a short time.

Not a lot of articles but each one chock full of information.

Truly a wonderful mind and a nice guy.  I know I miss his presence on the internet.

Good bye, TG Baker.

Your words and actions live on.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

What's Cooking?

What's cooking?  Turkey soup, of course.  What else would one be  cooking here in the USA on the Sunday after Thanksgiving Day:)  The carcass is in the electric roaster with several quarts of water.  In a few hours, I will strain the soup and flake off all the juicy bits of turkey.   Then I will add veggies from our garden.

I have onions stored under the bed.  Frozen corn on the cob to make corn niblets from and Italian green beans.  I thought I would put in a few pea pods and maybe some snap peas to do something a little different.  I had to buy the carrots since we ate the carrots we grew this summer and did not freeze any of them.  The celery will be from the store, as well.  Some salt and pepper for seasoning and a bit of gravy that we haven't managed to polish off and, hopefully, we will have the most delicious soup to warm us up this winter.

I freeze everything.  No canning around here.  So, I'll freeze the soup for lunches over the next couple of months.  Turkey is the bird that keeps on giving.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Why am I here?

Why am I blogging?  What made me enter the web?  I wanted a place to save some of the interesting information I have gotten.  I wanted to talk about gardening.  I wanted to have a safe and peaceful place on the internet for people to stop by, realize their lives are in their own hands, to encourage those who have been abused and hurt, whether by Christianity or their own sad childhoods or domestic violence.  I have experienced all of those kinds of abuse.

I cannot save the world.  I hope I can encourage people to realize that life is what they make it, more or less.  Don't be hard on yourself.  You and I have always done the best we know how to.  We have survived and, hopefully, found a way to  thrive.  If not, I believe you can.

I realized, lately, how much peace I have found.  Yes, it has taken quite a few years but this peace is mine and I will take it.  I no longer have nightmares.  My nerves have settled down.  I do not fear life.  I have found that I have strength and decency and kindness.  I will not list my lesser qualities.  I am human and I have my bad days.  Yet, it is the goodness that I have clung to.  The beauty of nature.  The love I have received.  The laughter that life, friends and pets have given to me.

The garden is done for the winter.  I have a bit of cleaning up to do.  This is a severe desert, so I will water when the cold lets up long enough to allow for watering.  There is brush to burn.  This is a season of cleaning up the yard and maintaining as best I can.  Weather allowing.

Winter is also a time to recharge.  To sit by a warm fire, put your feet up, read books and take naps.  I used to dislike winter but this year I look forward to slowing down for a couple of months.


I am trying a new comment format called Disqus.  I am very familiar with this system as a commenter but this will be my first time trying this as a blogger.  I am hoping to encourage more of a dialogue as I blog.  The comment system on Blogger does not allow for replies.  I certainly hope that people will be thoughtful and kind when they comment.

Not being a computer oriented person, I will have to see how this goes:)

Feel free to leave a comment and we'll see how this thing works!

Thursday, November 24, 2011


The world is a quiet and peaceful scene at my home.  The relatives are gone home.  The left overs are in the fridge and I am left here, quietly thankful for the peaceful life that I have worked so hard to have.  May all those who are abused and frightened find a little peace in their hearts tonight knowing that they deserve all the good that manages to come their way in a hard world.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Child Abuse in the Name of God

So, this post wasn't really complete when I grabbed this from exC.  What is the same here that is the same for all of us abused people is that we have the ability to understand the hurt person inside us and to take better care of ourselves.  This person was horribly abused in the name of Biblegod.  So are thousands of others.  Whether there was a lot of abuse or a little, what kind of god allows for children to be abused in His name?  That is a god not worthy of worship.  

There are also plenty of women and some men who are abused due to the teachings of the Bible.  That is what this conversation made me think of.  Keep plugging.  Keep learning.  Love yourself.  You did not deserve to be abused.  It is especially heinous when abuse occurs in the name of Biblegod.

You got that wrong, Sonof.  This is something I had to take to heart about myself.  Five year olds cannot take care of themselves.  They are children.  Five year olds and even fifteen year olds are not capable of taking on the world by themselves.  

I started thinking about how innocent and vulnerable children, including myself, really are.  I was a kid.  doing the best I could with what I knew.  What you know isn't very much when you are a kid.  That five year old you are calling names was really a sweet kid that deserved hugs and love and certainly couldn't have made it out in the big world all by himself.

Why don't you have a talk with that kid inside you and tell him you will do your best to not allow him to be hurt anymore.  You are the grown up and you will make sure of that.


That may be true where you are but here in New Zealand it is up to the child to escape an abusive family, the child is also expected to be independent should they escape. In fact in New Zealand we reward child abuses and threaten the abused, its who we are as a nation. And I am learning to accept that, it is my fault for not looking out for myself as a child, plane and simple.

Listen up, Sonof:)  That is true everywhere that abused people are common. They are often not helped by their society.  Who creates abusive people?  Abusive societies!  

Other people often  do not have the insight or the internal fortitude to understand what abused people have gone through.  Even in non-abusive societies.That does not negate what I said.  You will have to be your own good parent even though it is hard work.  Children are innocent and vulnerable.  They need love and protection.


Dude, that was profound.

And it's true, it's hard to grok what survivors have been through if you haven't been there yourself. I used to be one of those people, the ones who said, "Well, why doesn't she just walk away?" Now? Well... now I know, the hard way, just how difficult it really is to "just walk away" from an abuser. And the worst part? The worst part is that half of what's keeping you stuck is all in your head -- because you've had it pounded into you (sometimes literally!) that you are worthless, you'll never survive without [abuser], that [abuser] knows what's best for you, that your abuser can/will harm you/your family/your kids/your pet... and fear and paranoia, "What if?" On top of that, for me, was a heaping helping of "nobody will believe me." (And it really didn't help that the police continually treated me like I was "just an hysterical woman" and basically told me that if I'd calm down, he wouldn't get upset and hit me. What a load of shit.)

So... yeah, I've had to re-learn a lot, especially re-learning how to love myself, and see myself as worthy. I know I'm a bitch -- had that pounded into me, too -- but I'm starting to think that maybe "being a bitch" is some kind of defense-mechanism, pushing people away before they have a chance to hurt me.

Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it.


Thanks for sharing that with me wmdkitty.  

"Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it."

That is what I believe, as well.  For instance, Sonof has made a small difference in several people's lives by sharing his story here on exC.  It allowed several other commenters to tell their story in their comments.  Now, that may not seem like much but people need to tell their stories in order to move forwards.  Each of us is growing a little bit by reading about other people's experiences.  Each one of us is quite unable to save the world but by being here in this world and being aware and insightful to what abuse is, well, we are making a small difference.  Society is made up of the little people like us.  Small influences make a difference

PS - When we change the world changes. The positive changes we make help ourselves so much and that is a very good thing. We deserve our own time and effort and we are worth it.

I don't want to minimize anyone's journey.  It is hard to move forward from abuse!  Yet, thousands have done so and you can, too.

What's Next?

I have totally realized from the start that this blog is very superficial for the most part.  I am proud of myself for taking the time to say something almost everyday.  A good habit has been made.  The question becomes "What's next?"

One of the reasons I haven't done more with this blog is because I don't like the comments section at all.  I can't seem to reply to comments and that is important when you want to have a conversation with people.  I probably need to figure out if there is another blog system available or do I try to use Disqus for the comments or what?

I certainly do have issues that I want to present on religion, feminism, child abuse and various topics as well as personal growth and challenges and the joy/despair of gardening and life.  Time to consider going to a deeper level of meaning here on the internet.