If I had known on the day I was born all that I would have to endure throughout my childhood, I would have said "No thanks, world. I don't want to be here." Really, life doesn't give you that choice. You are stuck with what ever life you are born into.
If you would have asked me at age four or nine or twelve or fifteen or twenty five, I would have told you that life just isn't worth it. Fortunately, by the time I reached thirty, I had discovered that life is "worth it". At forty I found love and at fifty, contentment and peace. Yes, my life has been a gift, fought for and hard won. A present I had to find, purchase, wrap in pretty paper, add ribbon and a bow to. It has been a very high price that I have paid for my gift. Perhaps that makes my life now all the sweeter.
The sadness and confusion, the hurt and the fears, they haven't so much left me as I have incorporated them into who I am. They do not overwhelm me anymore. They don't leave me either but they are not what my life is.
Perhaps, for the time being, that is enough.
Showing posts with label Child Abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Child Abuse. Show all posts
Monday, January 2, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Child Abuse
Okay, I can't fix you but I can encourage you. I came from an abused kid background. I am really doing good now a days. If a mess like me could get to a better place, you can too. Remember, it takes time and effort but you are worth it.
How does it feel to come from an abusive home. A home where you are shamed and silenced, beaten or sexually molested, hungry or unloved? It feels like it is all your fault. It feels like you are unlovable. It feels like everyone else has friends and family and you don't. That is what it feels like.
So, what do you do about those feelings? First of all, remember how young and innocent you were. Whether you were a toddler or fifteen years old, you were too young to take care of yourself and too inexperienced to realize that most people don't get treated badly like you were treated. Learn to cut yourself some slack. You were a kid!!!!! You are a member of the human race and you deserved to be treated with dignity. That didn't happen and you will have to deal with that fact but first of all, you never deserved to be hit or sexually molested or left home alone with no food.
How does it feel to come from an abusive home. A home where you are shamed and silenced, beaten or sexually molested, hungry or unloved? It feels like it is all your fault. It feels like you are unlovable. It feels like everyone else has friends and family and you don't. That is what it feels like.
So, what do you do about those feelings? First of all, remember how young and innocent you were. Whether you were a toddler or fifteen years old, you were too young to take care of yourself and too inexperienced to realize that most people don't get treated badly like you were treated. Learn to cut yourself some slack. You were a kid!!!!! You are a member of the human race and you deserved to be treated with dignity. That didn't happen and you will have to deal with that fact but first of all, you never deserved to be hit or sexually molested or left home alone with no food.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving
The world is a quiet and peaceful scene at my home. The relatives are gone home. The left overs are in the fridge and I am left here, quietly thankful for the peaceful life that I have worked so hard to have. May all those who are abused and frightened find a little peace in their hearts tonight knowing that they deserve all the good that manages to come their way in a hard world.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Child Abuse in the Name of God
So, this post wasn't really complete when I grabbed this from exC. What is the same here that is the same for all of us abused people is that we have the ability to understand the hurt person inside us and to take better care of ourselves. This person was horribly abused in the name of Biblegod. So are thousands of others. Whether there was a lot of abuse or a little, what kind of god allows for children to be abused in His name? That is a god not worthy of worship.
There are also plenty of women and some men who are abused due to the teachings of the Bible. That is what this conversation made me think of. Keep plugging. Keep learning. Love yourself. You did not deserve to be abused. It is especially heinous when abuse occurs in the name of Biblegod.
L
You got that wrong, Sonof. This is something I had to take to heart about myself. Five year olds cannot take care of themselves. They are children. Five year olds and even fifteen year olds are not capable of taking on the world by themselves.
I started thinking about how innocent and vulnerable children, including myself, really are. I was a kid. doing the best I could with what I knew. What you know isn't very much when you are a kid. That five year old you are calling names was really a sweet kid that deserved hugs and love and certainly couldn't have made it out in the big world all by himself.
Why don't you have a talk with that kid inside you and tell him you will do your best to not allow him to be hurt anymore. You are the grown up and you will make sure of that.
S
That may be true where you are but here in New Zealand it is up to the child to escape an abusive family, the child is also expected to be independent should they escape. In fact in New Zealand we reward child abuses and threaten the abused, its who we are as a nation. And I am learning to accept that, it is my fault for not looking out for myself as a child, plane and simple.
L
Listen up, Sonof:) That is true everywhere that abused people are common. They are often not helped by their society. Who creates abusive people? Abusive societies!
Other people often do not have the insight or the internal fortitude to understand what abused people have gone through. Even in non-abusive societies.That does not negate what I said. You will have to be your own good parent even though it is hard work. Children are innocent and vulnerable. They need love and protection.
W
Dude, that was profound.
And it's true, it's hard to grok what survivors have been through if you haven't been there yourself. I used to be one of those people, the ones who said, "Well, why doesn't she just walk away?" Now? Well... now I know, the hard way, just how difficult it really is to "just walk away" from an abuser. And the worst part? The worst part is that half of what's keeping you stuck is all in your head -- because you've had it pounded into you (sometimes literally!) that you are worthless, you'll never survive without [abuser], that [abuser] knows what's best for you, that your abuser can/will harm you/your family/your kids/your pet... and fear and paranoia, "What if?" On top of that, for me, was a heaping helping of "nobody will believe me." (And it really didn't help that the police continually treated me like I was "just an hysterical woman" and basically told me that if I'd calm down, he wouldn't get upset and hit me. What a load of shit.)
So... yeah, I've had to re-learn a lot, especially re-learning how to love myself, and see myself as worthy. I know I'm a bitch -- had that pounded into me, too -- but I'm starting to think that maybe "being a bitch" is some kind of defense-mechanism, pushing people away before they have a chance to hurt me.
Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it.
L
Thanks for sharing that with me wmdkitty.
"Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it."
That is what I believe, as well. For instance, Sonof has made a small difference in several people's lives by sharing his story here on exC. It allowed several other commenters to tell their story in their comments. Now, that may not seem like much but people need to tell their stories in order to move forwards. Each of us is growing a little bit by reading about other people's experiences. Each one of us is quite unable to save the world but by being here in this world and being aware and insightful to what abuse is, well, we are making a small difference. Society is made up of the little people like us. Small influences make a difference
PS - When we change the world changes. The positive changes we make help ourselves so much and that is a very good thing. We deserve our own time and effort and we are worth it.
I don't want to minimize anyone's journey. It is hard to move forward from abuse! Yet, thousands have done so and you can, too.
There are also plenty of women and some men who are abused due to the teachings of the Bible. That is what this conversation made me think of. Keep plugging. Keep learning. Love yourself. You did not deserve to be abused. It is especially heinous when abuse occurs in the name of Biblegod.
L
You got that wrong, Sonof. This is something I had to take to heart about myself. Five year olds cannot take care of themselves. They are children. Five year olds and even fifteen year olds are not capable of taking on the world by themselves.
I started thinking about how innocent and vulnerable children, including myself, really are. I was a kid. doing the best I could with what I knew. What you know isn't very much when you are a kid. That five year old you are calling names was really a sweet kid that deserved hugs and love and certainly couldn't have made it out in the big world all by himself.
Why don't you have a talk with that kid inside you and tell him you will do your best to not allow him to be hurt anymore. You are the grown up and you will make sure of that.
S
That may be true where you are but here in New Zealand it is up to the child to escape an abusive family, the child is also expected to be independent should they escape. In fact in New Zealand we reward child abuses and threaten the abused, its who we are as a nation. And I am learning to accept that, it is my fault for not looking out for myself as a child, plane and simple.
L
Listen up, Sonof:) That is true everywhere that abused people are common. They are often not helped by their society. Who creates abusive people? Abusive societies!
Other people often do not have the insight or the internal fortitude to understand what abused people have gone through. Even in non-abusive societies.That does not negate what I said. You will have to be your own good parent even though it is hard work. Children are innocent and vulnerable. They need love and protection.
W
Dude, that was profound.
And it's true, it's hard to grok what survivors have been through if you haven't been there yourself. I used to be one of those people, the ones who said, "Well, why doesn't she just walk away?" Now? Well... now I know, the hard way, just how difficult it really is to "just walk away" from an abuser. And the worst part? The worst part is that half of what's keeping you stuck is all in your head -- because you've had it pounded into you (sometimes literally!) that you are worthless, you'll never survive without [abuser], that [abuser] knows what's best for you, that your abuser can/will harm you/your family/your kids/your pet... and fear and paranoia, "What if?" On top of that, for me, was a heaping helping of "nobody will believe me." (And it really didn't help that the police continually treated me like I was "just an hysterical woman" and basically told me that if I'd calm down, he wouldn't get upset and hit me. What a load of shit.)
So... yeah, I've had to re-learn a lot, especially re-learning how to love myself, and see myself as worthy. I know I'm a bitch -- had that pounded into me, too -- but I'm starting to think that maybe "being a bitch" is some kind of defense-mechanism, pushing people away before they have a chance to hurt me.
Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it.
L
Thanks for sharing that with me wmdkitty.
"Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it."
That is what I believe, as well. For instance, Sonof has made a small difference in several people's lives by sharing his story here on exC. It allowed several other commenters to tell their story in their comments. Now, that may not seem like much but people need to tell their stories in order to move forwards. Each of us is growing a little bit by reading about other people's experiences. Each one of us is quite unable to save the world but by being here in this world and being aware and insightful to what abuse is, well, we are making a small difference. Society is made up of the little people like us. Small influences make a difference
PS - When we change the world changes. The positive changes we make help ourselves so much and that is a very good thing. We deserve our own time and effort and we are worth it.
I don't want to minimize anyone's journey. It is hard to move forward from abuse! Yet, thousands have done so and you can, too.
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