So, this post wasn't really complete when I grabbed this from exC. What is the same here that is the same for all of us abused people is that we have the ability to understand the hurt person inside us and to take better care of ourselves. This person was horribly abused in the name of Biblegod. So are thousands of others. Whether there was a lot of abuse or a little, what kind of god allows for children to be abused in His name? That is a god not worthy of worship.
There are also plenty of women and some men who are abused due to the teachings of the Bible. That is what this conversation made me think of. Keep plugging. Keep learning. Love yourself. You did not deserve to be abused. It is especially heinous when abuse occurs in the name of Biblegod.
L
You got that wrong, Sonof. This is something I had to take to heart about myself. Five year olds cannot take care of themselves. They are children. Five year olds and even fifteen year olds are not capable of taking on the world by themselves.
I started thinking about how innocent and vulnerable children, including myself, really are. I was a kid. doing the best I could with what I knew. What you know isn't very much when you are a kid. That five year old you are calling names was really a sweet kid that deserved hugs and love and certainly couldn't have made it out in the big world all by himself.
Why don't you have a talk with that kid inside you and tell him you will do your best to not allow him to be hurt anymore. You are the grown up and you will make sure of that.
S
That may be true where you are but here in New Zealand it is up to the child to escape an abusive family, the child is also expected to be independent should they escape. In fact in New Zealand we reward child abuses and threaten the abused, its who we are as a nation. And I am learning to accept that, it is my fault for not looking out for myself as a child, plane and simple.
L
Listen up, Sonof:) That is true everywhere that abused people are common. They are often not helped by their society. Who creates abusive people? Abusive societies!
Other people often do not have the insight or the internal fortitude to understand what abused people have gone through. Even in non-abusive societies.That does not negate what I said. You will have to be your own good parent even though it is hard work. Children are innocent and vulnerable. They need love and protection.
W
Dude, that was profound.
And it's true, it's hard to grok what survivors have been through if you haven't been there yourself. I used to be one of those people, the ones who said, "Well, why doesn't she just walk away?" Now? Well... now I know, the hard way, just how difficult it really is to "just walk away" from an abuser. And the worst part? The worst part is that half of what's keeping you stuck is all in your head -- because you've had it pounded into you (sometimes literally!) that you are worthless, you'll never survive without [abuser], that [abuser] knows what's best for you, that your abuser can/will harm you/your family/your kids/your pet... and fear and paranoia, "What if?" On top of that, for me, was a heaping helping of "nobody will believe me." (And it really didn't help that the police continually treated me like I was "just an hysterical woman" and basically told me that if I'd calm down, he wouldn't get upset and hit me. What a load of shit.)
So... yeah, I've had to re-learn a lot, especially re-learning how to love myself, and see myself as worthy. I know I'm a bitch -- had that pounded into me, too -- but I'm starting to think that maybe "being a bitch" is some kind of defense-mechanism, pushing people away before they have a chance to hurt me.
Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it.
L
Thanks for sharing that with me wmdkitty.
"Just know that no matter how broken and worthless you feel, you're making a difference to at least one person in your life, even if you don't know it."
That is what I believe, as well. For instance, Sonof has made a small difference in several people's lives by sharing his story here on exC. It allowed several other commenters to tell their story in their comments. Now, that may not seem like much but people need to tell their stories in order to move forwards. Each of us is growing a little bit by reading about other people's experiences. Each one of us is quite unable to save the world but by being here in this world and being aware and insightful to what abuse is, well, we are making a small difference. Society is made up of the little people like us. Small influences make a difference
PS - When we change the world changes. The positive changes we make help ourselves so much and that is a very good thing. We deserve our own time and effort and we are worth it.
I don't want to minimize anyone's journey. It is hard to move forward from abuse! Yet, thousands have done so and you can, too.
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